Comedy is (Not) for the BIrds

There are certain opportunities that only come along once in a lifetime.  Sometimes you can see them coming, jump on, and ride.  But other times, only hindsight is cruel enough to point out the opportunity missed.

Now one could easily cite missed stock buys or other life changing decisions that have passed most of us by.  But I’m talking today about one of those potentially life-altering events above and beyond just striking it rich.  I’m talking about… the first Angry Birds movie.

The movie was fine and, on a whole, lived up to my rather low expectations.  But its creators missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be immortalized for their comedic genius.

It was somewhere near the middle-end of the movie when the birds somehow decided it was reasonable (I’m sure they didn’t do it just to be true to the game) to launch themselves out of a giant slingshot.  Their target was piggy castle.

First, they launched a little orange bird who came up significantly short before exploding in an orange powdery puff.  The pink girl-bird was next, but she also came up short.  Other birds were launched, mostly forgettable, especially if you didn’t play the game.  At some point they decided to launch the mime-bird.

Now let’s stop right there for a minute.  There have been some outstanding mimes throughout history: Charlie Chaplain, Marcel Marceau, and dare I say it, Tape Face.  Tape Face’s ‘Lady in Red’ bit is absolutely hilarious and Marcel Marceau’s ‘Walking Against the Wind’ bit from Mel Brook’s Silent Movie is spectacular.  I have no idea how he manages to move backwards while leaning forward with the appearance of walking forward.  It puts the Moonwalk to shame.  Both clips are worth a quick Google! (Hey, where are you going?  After you finish reading my blog.)

Mel Brooks was able to catch one of those opportunities I spoke of earlier in that very same movie, a movie titled Silent Movie, when he gave the only spoken line to the mime.  Pure. Comedic. Genius.

Which brings me back to the birds.  They loaded the mime into the slingshot and sent it flying.  The movie then cuts to the Piggy King walking confidently in front of a large, glass window.  Do you hear opportunity knocking?  A mime?  A window?  I sat in the theater with anticipation growing.  I just knew the mime was going to smack into the window, then do the ‘Stuck in an invisible box’ bit before gravity finally smeared him off the glass.

Alas, history is cruel and I was left disappointed as the bird instead bounced about amidst a tumble of falling buildings far from the castle.  The writers, producers, directors, voice actors, gaffers, and even the best boys for the movie failed to see the historic moment staring them in the face.  It could have been great.  It could have been epic.  They could have written their names proudly alongside the likes of Robin Williams, George Carlin, and Tina Fey.  But they didn’t.  And the world is a more dreary place for their failure.

Pure. Opportunity. Lost.