Family Ties

This week finds our linguistic hero taking a well deserved sabbatical. In his stead, you shall have the pleasure of reading the musings of I, Jorge, Mike’s evil twin brother. Let us begin our other-worldly adventure as we . . .

Dude, Jorge, what are you doing on my blog?

Mike?!? I thought you were supposed to be, er, away for the week. I was just, um, checking to make sure . . .

“Aaaaah, get out of my chair!” (Bonus points for naming the movie.)

Sorry for all of that, folks, but Jorge is gone now. In fact, it is quite likely you shall never hear from him again. That’s right; let’s never speak of him again.

Ahem.

Did you know you can daisy-chain a three-way phone conversation? That’s right. If I call Dad and Dad calls Sister and Sister calls Brother and Brother calls Sister-in-Law, then the whole mess of us can yack it up in a non-stop interruptionfest. But why would one care to create such chaos? I’m glad you asked. But first, a story.

Have you ever played ‘I Spy?’ You know the game where you see something, but make everybody else guess what it is. My family never played ‘I Spy.’ Settling for something we could see, something tangible and all too often obvious was not enough to sate our appetite for entertainment. We played ‘First one find a . . .’

You see, when you play ‘I Spy,’ your creativity and imagination are kept on a rather short leash. In our game, however, there were no limits. Somebody came up with an idea and everybody strove to spot it first. I can still remember some of the items we sought. Many of them are seemingly mundane, with no real reason they have remained amongst my conscious streams of thought. For example, double red doors on a house. I cannot tell you who found it first, but I do remember looking for it.

As we got older, the challenges got harder. Lists were created. First to find a man walking a dog, a fire engine and a fat lady. (Please read as a list, not a sentence describing what the man is walking.) It strikes me that this game held our attention through high school and even college. Perhaps we enjoyed the challenge of creating a difficult pursuit. Perhaps we reveled in the chance to find the ever elusive ultimate ‘find a.’ I wasn’t part of the game in which it was named (I believe Melissa partook), but eventually one item became the ultimate find of our silly game. To this day, it is understood that if one of us ever finds a motorcycle pulling a port-a-potty, they shall be deemed the eternal champion!

I had toyed with the idea, when Melissa got married, of hiring some biker dude to tow a jon-on-wheels past her reception. However, the day came and went with nary a thing being hitched together (except her and her hubby, of course.) Anyways, I’m not sure they allow port-a-pottys on Coronado Island. I’m not even sure they allow a biker dudes!

About four or five years ago, I found myself missing this penultimate distraction to those encased in a moving vehicle. It struck me, why should we have to be in the same car to play? We didn’t even need to be in the same state! Thus began the first multi-state game of ‘first one find a.’

A few days ago, our family once again stepped up to their individual microphone and amidst a clamorous phone conversation, each shared their newest idea. The conversation was outstanding. In the end, we all knew exactly what we needed to find, an antique mustang driving down the road with a lady in a red coat, carrying a red bag sitting the open trunk, while a fat lady and a skinny lady on skateboards watched, but they tripped over a man who was lying on the ground because he had been hit by a kid driving one of those battery operated cars. Or something like that.

As my family begins the quest to crown its fourth champion, I invite you to participate in the first ever “I have No Idea Why I Just Said That” first one find a challenge. The rules are simple. Find the things I list below, then post that you found them in the comments section. (and/or on Facebook) It does not matter where you are when you find the item, except that you cannot find it at home. Also, you cannot create a situation in which you see a listed item. (The port-a-potty gig wouldn’t have counted anyways.)

The List
1. A dog going to the bathroom (not your own dog)
2. A red car beside a blue car (front, back or side)
3. A leaf in the act of falling off a tree (somewhere between the tree and the ground)

Happy hunting!