It All Ads Up

Does anybody else hear that high, sharp whistling sound? That, and the steam pouring from my ears, signifies that an idea which has long been percolating in my brain is finally ready.

I like to think of myself as an educated man, one who is unruled by the powers that be. I feel I can separate myself from what the mainstream media demands of me and find my own way amongst the muddle of talking heads, TV shows and especially commercials.

You may remember one of my favorite blog postings in which I regaled my audience of the only documented case of me choosing to purchase a product I would otherwise be completely uninterested in merely out of respect for the content and delivery of the commercial itself. If it would please the court, I would like to submit another example, please let it be marked as State’s Evidence B.

This second case of a commercial finding use in my life was more a case of the commercials properly directing me to the product. Unlike most entertaining commercials, of which I tend to remember only the comedy, but not the content, I was able to find the website I sought only after I could call to mind the company’s recently used pitch. I sat staring blankly at my computer, my fingers resting undirected upon the keys. What address did I want? I could not remember. I knew the content I so desired, but the location was a wash. Then I remembered it, that one actor guy saying something about them being aliens and wanting to eat my brain . . . of course, I could watch old Simpsons episodes on Hulu!

All of this is a rather winded tie in to an idea that dates back to prehistoric times (i.e. before my 8 month writing hiatus). As I sed, I thunk I be edumacated. I believe I understand the purpose and often the hook, line and sinker that advertisements use. I watched my wife participate as host in a (whatever the new version of a Tupperware party is – the names have been changed to protect the innocent – and because I cannot currently remember) party. I read through some of the media that was provided to her and was not surprised, but rather amazed at the hooks they used to reel ‘em in . . .

Directions for a host.
Step 1: Make a list of some of the items you may be interested in, items you can ‘earn’ if your party sales are high enough!!!
Step 2: Now make a list of the people you think might be interested in the event.

Just like a car salesman, who allows you to personally take ownership of the car before committing any money through what they call a ‘test drive,’ the brochure encourages the host to begin filling their kitchen with goods before filling the seats. Having done this, many people can’t help but invite everybody they ever met – “Oh, I can ask them even though we only bumped into each other once on the subway . . . I really need that one thingey, why else would I have written it down.”

The biggest host hook of all was the final sinker:

Step 3: (I paraphrase) Now that your party was a success, you get a few things free . . . but wait, there’s more . . . you did so well that you can now have 2, no, 3 things at half price!!! What a great deal for you.

Who could resist such an offer? Half price is great. Of course, one will want to get the most benefit for such a great offer . . . I wonder what half of $538 is . . .

So here I finally pour out one last commercial insight, the one that first sparked my imagination. Again, I do not find myself surprised by the content, but rather marveling at the difference I have noticed.

Generic brands: they’re cheaper because they don’t advertise. I get it. That gives me two reasons to like them. But in the case of cereal, I have a third. ( I now find that all but one of the cereal boxes Pedro had been watching for me for the last 10+ months has since disappeared – hi-ho hi-ho it’s off to Google I go.) Take for example this Wheaties Box. What is the back of the box used for? Reminding you how great Wheaties is, of course . . . it’s an advertisement for itself. Take a look for yourself some day. Every major brand seems to use the back of its box as a way to advertise the product you’ve already bought. It seems they fear you might forget them!

But not the generic store brands. Those, especially the Aldi brands we buy, do not use their morning billboard to self-promote. Instead, they often use their tableside pulpit to simply entertain or even educate. The two boxes I have in front of me are of the educational variety. (I said only 1 survives, but I had a ‘spare’ in the cupboard. The best part of that one . . . computer-side snacks inside!) The first, a yellow box of Crispy Oats, a.k.a, poor man’s Cheerio’s (wow, Cheerio’s is in spell check. That’s a successful brand!), has a map of the world on it. Some of the countries are numbered and the reader is afforded the chance to match the countries to the images of flags pictured below the map.

The second box, an Aldi brand Honey Crunch ‘n Oats, has an even more impressive back. The effort spent in the creation appears to rival that of a well done high school poster-board report, though it likely took much less planning than the advertisement on the back of the Wheaties box. (By the by, Wheaties is not in spell check! What do you think of that?) The back of this box recounts the adventures of Lewis and Clark as they explored and mapped the Louisiana Territory. Did you know that “Lewis kept a daily journal in which he collected and preserved hundreds of plants, flowers, seeds and cuttings, which became an important contribution to the scientific community for years to come?” The box even goes on to suggest starting your own ‘nature journal.’

So there it is, the oldest remaining, previously unblogged about idea I have. Do you find it odd that I should write about such a trivial concept, or do others find entertainment in similarly mundane parts of their world? I guess what I’m trying to say is, I have to go. I have to finish reading about Sacagawea and see how many country flags I remember.

By the by, I was wrong. The map is matching the country flag and name to the map. I got 26 out of 30 correct, having mixed up Columbia and Venezuela as well as Chad and Algeria. I also mislabeled Spain as France, but quickly caught my mistake. (Yikes, I just crossed into page 2 . . . you still here??? If so, thanks!)