Synonyms

I sit down today with very little on my mind. Mollie is out of the house at a semi-mandatory training class for work. Andrew is gracing the daycare girls with his presence and Annaliese is taking a nap, dreaming about when she will soon awake and once again eat. And I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter nap. When up on the roof, there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what’s the matter with me? I just went off quoting some an antiquated Christmas story. Well, like I said, I don’t have much rolling around in my brain this afternoon.

What is the average blogger to do when he finds himself wanting of an inspirational muse? Should he throw in the towel, await another day, or should he press on, seeking even the ghost of a muse? Fortunately, I have one such ghost buried somewhere on my desk. It is a small index card with ‘emergency topics’ written on it. Please give me a minute while I dig through the assorted papers that litter my desk . . . ooh, I was wrong, it wasn’t on my desk, it had inconveniently found its way to the floor.

Over the last 50+ days, I have come across fourteen ideas that were secondary to the days topic. Four of them have been struck through, having saved me from a blank tome in days of yore. But which of the remaining will serve me best today; I think I’ll start at the top: Global Warming – struck through, Robin Williams – struck through. Third on the list, Synonyms. I think back to what sparked that reminding note, yes, that was it, the ability of MS Word to provide synonyms for certain words. Occasionally (and I do mean occasionally), my mastery of the English language fails me and I find my words too dull and drab to torture you with. Fortunately, Word has stepped in to liven up my lame lexicon. I have not had to use that feature yet today, but I have often wondered what the result would be if one were to ‘abuse’ the synonym feature. I theorize that the resulting work would be an inane and grotesque rendering of the original text, almost as though it had been wrung through the translation between numerous languages, before being teased back into a tortured English.

Today, I will test my theory. In a few moments, I will copy and paste all of the above text below. I will then peruse the document, replacing at every availability, any word for which Word provides a synonym. I will proceed using three different processes, one for each paragraph. For the first paragraph, I will use the first synonym that Word offers. For paragraph two, I will use the third synonym listed, or the last, if only one or two are given. For paragraph three, I will allow myself a little bit of fun. I will be able to choose whichever synonym I fancy, regardless of the end result on the original meaning. And now, on with the show. (I just finished the first paragraph and return here to mandate a change: I will not be translating the third paragraph, just the first two. I will take my liberties in the second paragraph, choosing any synonym I like with the hope of retaining some semblance of thought.)

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I be seated downward nowadays by means of extremely small on top of my brain. Mollie be absent of the home on a semi-mandatory preparation group of students intended for labor. Andrew be grace the daycare girls by means of his attendance plus Annaliese be captivating a doze, dream concerning at what time she determination almost immediately up plus on one occasion once more consume. plus I inside my limit have now established downward intended for a extended chill doze. at what time awake on top of the top, present arise such a rattle, I spring as of my divan in the direction of observe what’s the substance by means of me? I now go rotten quote a number of an out of date Christmas tale. healthy, similar to I supposed, I don’t contain a great deal undulating approximately inside my intelligence this day.

I beg your pardon? be the run of the mill blogger en route for carry out whilst he finds himself not up to scratch of an rousing chew over? ought to he lob here the rub down, anticipate one more daylight hours, or else must he compress on top of, in quest of constant the specter of a ponder? providentially, I boast lone such poltergeist hidden someplace resting on my writing table. It be a diminutive catalog tag in the company of ‘tragedy topics’ in black and white resting on it. entertain bestow me a infinitesimal even as I quarry from first to last the varied documents with the purpose of disorder my counter . . . ooh, I was immoral, it wasn’t resting on my small table, it had inopportunely establish its approach en route for the flooring.
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Well, there you have it. If you have pressed through, you have just read a complete jumble of thought, bordering on insanity. I find my theorem mostly accurate, though the net effect was slightly more choppy than I expect mere translation between languages would provide. Oh, what the heck; if you’re still with me after that mess, you’ll put up with a little more. I am going to take the first paragraph and run it through the ringer at www.freetranslation.com. I will first transmute it to Russian, then to French, finally arriving back at English.

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I sit today with few on my opinion. - Outside of the house in the class for the work. Decorate the girls according to the go out of the children with his and Annaliese takes the drowsiness, in when she herself and once more. And I in my cap am me all the hour for the long drowsiness of winter. When on the roof, there was such a crash, I appeared of my bed to see in what the matter with me? I left only, the aged history Of while indicating certain. It is good, as I said, I have not a big rotation around in my brain during this day.
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My favorite part: “I appeared of my bed.”

Well, if for some strange reason you have made it to the end of today’s blog, I sincerely thank you for your patience and self-sacrifice. I hope tomorrow’s blog will again find some semblance of normality, though I fear the worst!